The Horror of the 14th Floor

At the moment, I work in an office on the corner of 41st and Lexington. Looking at it, you would think it's your typical office. It is average in size, with a modest 20-something floors and really, you would never notice it unless you had a reason to go there.

Then you begin to work there and the vision of the establishment changes. How do I begin to paint the picture of this building ?

Maybe we'll begin in July 2007. This job was the first that I have ever had in an office. Back in college, the main reason I never got an internship was because I couldn't bare the thought of working indoors all summer when I should be basking in the sun. By the time July rolled around, I started to get the "I am cooped up indoors-no beach days" blues. Then a steam pipe exploded right in front of my building, blasting asbestos into the office and blew out most of the windows facing Lexington. Is it wrong that I felt personally blessed for the explosion? Thanks to a slow moving Environmental Department, I got a beautiful month and a half of summer time.

Lets move forward to about a month or two ago. One morning while trekking up to work, the elevator trapped myself, a co-worker, and a delivery guy in for almost an hour. That was fun. Ooo even the fire department came. Whats more exciting than being stuck in an elevator? That would be being stuck hungover when all you want is water and coffee. My co-worker was in there and had a huge bottle of water. I had to hold myself back from not robbing her of her water and muffin.

Our office is conveniently located on the 14th floor, which holds mismatched offices filled with some of the weirdest people I have ever encountered. We must be the cheap floor because all 9 or 10 suites share one bathroom, and to my knowledge none of us have kitchens. This means there is always somebody in the bathroom rinsing out a cup, Tupperware container, or filling up a pot to make coffee.

What I find odd, well one of many things, is that the office down the hall has a door bell. Why does an office need a doorbell? Do you think someone maybe lives there? Maybe they have so many Jehovah witnesses and guests stopping by that they need it? Or perhaps the boss hates HATES the sound of a knock on the door and there are doorbells installed outside all off the doors in the office. I thought maybe it was just something left over from long ago, but this office in particular got the most damage by the explosion and had to get stripped. This means that the door bell was actually thought through and intentionally put there. Hm... who could I call to question?

Ok. The bathroom situation on our floor is mortifying. It's as if they gathered every women who has no shame to share a bathroom together. These women. Ugh, just gassy-heavy breathing bathroom users, almost to the point of me wanting to throw up. Just last week, I rolled in to wash out my coffee pot and there is this lady whom E & I often get caught in random conversation with finishing up.

Anyway, I walk into her sighing and spraying air-freshener into a stall. She turned to me and said "I am SO happy it's Friday. Better I go now instead of having an accident on the way home."
Me: Oh (haha, forced laugh) how do you get home...?

Her: I got a nice looong train ride back to (insert her home here...I don't remember) better safe than sorry.

As she was about to leave, turned and went back into the stall exclaiming, "Oh, just alittle bit more".

REALLY?

And then of course there was the time that someone threw up in between the door of the bathroom and the hallway and the best was when I was convinced someone was doing drugs in the stall next to me.

Anyway...

I don't want you to think I am completely hating on the building because there are some great things about it.

a) our mailman, ups guy, and dhl guy are all great. Seriously, I love them all. Always a friendly hello and nice chit chat.

b) We have a Cafe Metro inside of our building (they have the best food EVER), Dunkin Donuts next door, and a place across the street that you can get literally anything you imagine. Amazing breakfast sandwich? Check. Mmmm tasty low-fat chicken salad wrap? Check. Salad bar? Yes. Pizza? Yes. And so on.

c) From all these places we steal heavy amounts of plastic utensils, straws, and splenda, so thank you.

d) Anything else? Well....ok. I got one more. Next to the elevators there are these amazing mirrors with wonderful lighting that make you look glowing and slim. I swear. If your ever in the area, try to run past the door man and admire yourself. Seriously. It's wonderful.

So there you have it Ladies and Gentlemen. I would like to say I'm surprised that I work in this circus, but come on, whats the fun in normal?

Ode To My Valentine :)

How lovely to walk into the office today and find this guy sitting on my desk waiting for me. Turns out it was from my Valentine Marty, wanting to surprise me a few days early, so thought it would be a nice idea to send me a little treat. And yes, this turned into being my lunch because I forgot mine and didn't feel like going out.


So thanks to you Marty!





Ok. Fine. Marty is actually the Office Manager in my magazine's New Jersey office. He's around 75 years old and I've never met him before. On the occasions that we do speak, it usually has something to do with me DHLing too many packages or all the ink my printer goes through. I would say it was an act of love, but ohh well, who am I kiddng? He sent it to every lady in the office. But whatever. Who doesn't love chocolate on Valentines day?

"KRISTINE! ENOUGH"

So it appears this morning in my lunatic state of mind, I have decided to be super chatty and harrass my friends who sit in offices in front of the computer all day.

Apparently, unlike me, they all aspire to get things accomplished, so it leads me to be super annoying.

Example 1: Nina

Nina is usually on gchat at some point of the day, so she is always up for a re-cap chat about the night earlier. Um. I sign on. No Nina. I wait and wait and then when i couldn't take it anymore, I sent her a desperate text:
Where are you!!
She rolled in around 2:30. Thank god. I actually forgot about the text until:

Nina: ha u didn't included ur text to
me in it
me: oh god i didn't i'll change that right now

And this has nothing to do with anything, but it was funny:

Nina: so totally going to die from lack of sleep and hangover
so in love with brit
i am a lesbian
me: oh god, look at u, going to strip clubs and falling for the ladies,
u really are.

Example 2: Chiarina

surfergrll423 (1:08:40 PM): HEY where ru!
surfergrll423 (1:08:44 PM): please entertain me
surfergrll423 (1:08:45 PM): wah

Example 3:Geraldine

surfergrll423 (1:07:08 PM): wheres the baby
cowbeania (1:26:40 PM): i'm SO tired
surfergrll423 (1:26:48 PM): oh thank god ur back

And now the worst. E. I probably harrass her more than anyone in the world during the day. I'll just give some of the day's highlights

me: hello bleakness my old friend
me: my brain feels like its marinating in vodka
ah my useless brain served in a vodka sauce, topped with an apple demi-glaze mmmm with a side of garlic whipped potatoes tasty tasty
E: HAHAHAHA YOU ARE SUCH A FREAK i love it

me: oh man DAMNITand ur not talking to me what more important than me?
oh fine i guess ur job
do u want me to come over there and hit u
i will. no problem
i'll throw my santan mug at u
no i meant santa
o no maybe i did mean santan
E: you have a satan mug??i didn't know duane reade sold those

me: i'm writing a blog about how annoying I am
E: HAHAHAwell now, who wants to talk
E: hahah about how annoying you are please call it "KRISTINE! ENOUGH!"

Maybe I'm wrong here...

I need other points of view. Am I in the wrong here? Do I have the right to be kinda annoyed and confused?

Back when I was 20-22, I dated this guy one and off again. We'll call him by the name of Random. Things ended really really wierdly, but whatever. We were young and to my knowledge, no permament damage was made on either one of us. Whenever I see him now things are cool and despite whatever happened, I really don't hold any grudges or animosity towards him. Case closed.

Literally, I probably haven't seen him in about a year, so a few weeks ago I ran into some of his friends and asked what Random's been up to and how he is.

I'm assuming Random's friends got back to him and told him I was asking about him because sure enough, a week later I got a phone call at 2am. I didn't have his phone numeber at the time and never answer the phone to numbers I don't know, so obviously I didn't pick it up. No message. Then, a second later, it rang again and he left a message saying hi and for me give him a call back that night or whenever.

So I assume the following.
-- it was 2am on a Saturday night. He was drunk and hoping to either hook up with me or hoping that I had something fun to do.
-- or he was just told I was asking about him and thought it was a good time to call me.

So a few nights later, I was curious and called him back. No answer.
Then last night, with the help of a bottle or two of wine (thanks you super bowl), I called again.
I wake up this morning to 4 MISSED calls. Thats right, 4 calls.
So I text him back saying, "hey sorry I missed your calls, I was sleeping by then, we should hangout sometime."

Are you ready for this. I am still amazed. This is what he sends me.

"I got back with my ex. I don' think its a good idea for us to hangout or talk. Sorry."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I don't want him. I wasn't trying to get a reunion special going. What the hell? When did I become the pathetic one in the situation. I didn't get in touch with him. I didn't call him 4 times, but all of a sudden he's letting me down gently. I am amazed..
So I rant to Geraldine a bit and decide not to say anything to him. But then 5 minutes later I couldn't take it anymore and sent this:

"Um. you got in touch with me. I was just calling you back to catch up and see how you been."

Seriously, like come on. Is that what guys think? Girls are crazy and can't just innocently enough want to see how someone is doing. Don't get me wrong, at the time, I was really into him. It's been just about 2 years ago, maybe even a little more. I'm over it. It's ok. I called because you called me and I am a super curious person by nature. It would have been nice to meet up and chat a bit, but apparently I am just a crazy savage girl and wouldn't be able to keep my hands to myself. Is that how all people see me? Oh dear.

I guess he wins at the end because who's the one blogging and get all agitated over something that really meant nothing?