Wednesday, May 7, 2008

I Like My Men How I Like My Jewerly....

(just a note: this is probably my most shallow and offensive blog thus far. I apologize in advance for angering anyone. These are just my silly points of views.)

I am the first to admit that I am very fickle and insanely particular when it comes to dating. I pick my guy how I like my jewelry. I like weirdo-random-pieces (or guy, if you will) that no one else will have that are beautiful, quirky, unique, and hilarious all at the same time. But one little meh in the piece and/or dude and I'm immediately repulsed and need it to get out of my presence.

Deal Breakers: These are the superficial, but important things that I am immediately turned off by, which cause fleeing in the other direction.

1) Terrible off the tattoo-parlor wall tattoos. I am actually nauseated by these and look at them like they might as well be a huge gross mole or birth mark. A few years a go, I hooked up with this guy who was absolutely beautiful. Really, he was gorgeous. Then he introduced me to the large gaudy tribal dragon on his shoulder and immediately I wished for his shirt to be put back on. If you want to get a tattoo, put a little effort into it. Ok, maybe your not creative, but at least work with your tattoo artist to come up with something great. How horrifying it must be walking along a street one day, walk by a person, and do a double take to the art on their shoulder for your very own. This also goes for anything that was once or is currently super trendy (anything tribal, barbwire, Chinese, etc) or something super clique.

2) Remember a few years ago when every single cause (save the children, stop world hunger, save the environment, stop cancer, etc) made those plastic bracelets that people would buy to support them? Fine fine they were nice and great circa 2003. OMG let them go. I can't stand the sight of anyone wearing them anymore. I just feel like they are over-done & played out. What is the reasoning behind it? To show people you stand behind the cause? To show you are compassionate and d0nate? Only thing it says to me is that your lammmmme.

3) Weirdo bald spots. I know, there is no fighting male balding. I say once the balding starts to freak people out, it's time to be realistic and shave off the rest and get all cool and tough like Bruce Willis. Unless you have a funny shaped head. In that case, I say wear hats in every situation or get a hair style that is flattering for the balding man. And there are hair styles that are.

4) Piercings usually. But there are exceptions. If your all full-body tatted (but in the cool way, I'll get into that later) then the piercings just go along with it. But in the normal circumstances, I am over pierced ears, eyebrows, and anything else people get pierced. One exception. I still find lip piercings super hot. I don't know why. I just do.

5) Guys who compensate for lack of personality by waving their high priced paychecks in your face. I'd rather be with someone poor, but who has a super rich personality & humor vs. lots of money, but no conversation. I hate the paycheck braggers even more because obviously 65% or so of the population make more money than me. So not only are they boring me, but also remind me of how little I make.

6) Guys who drink girly drinks and can't hold their alcohol. Nothing is more unattractive than a sloppy boy after 2 Malibu bay breezes and a shot of red death.

7) Musical/Artsy/ anything/ elitists that think because they know more than you in a certain area, that they are obviously way better than you, and to top it off, obnoxiously let you know. I'm so typically attracted to artsy people and have, maybe once or twice, gotten involved with music snobs, who would put me down for not knowing a certain random song or band. I would then live in fear and tense up whenever we would listen to music together, knowing that at any moment there would be a musical quiz. I have the worst memory and no skills under pressure, so would obviously fail and get lead into a good 15 minutes of "Omg I can't believe you didn't know that. I am amazed, yadda yadda"

But there are also Immediate Moments of Chance:

1) Black rimmed glasses. Lie, glasses in general. I just love them.

2) Pretty much anyone who surfs, but doesn't get all possessive about their waves. Gotta love the surfers who just do it for fun and love the ocean and natural in general.

3) The random guy in the bar reading alone. I've gotten lured it by that once. I saw a guy sitting alone at a bar reading a book and I was gravitationally pulled in. Even better, he was able to back it up and we chatted about books and life the remainder of the night.

4) Musicians/artists/people who create, but don't refer to it as "their art". Something that they just need to do without constantly bragging about it or making it larger than life.

5) HOT tattoos. Omg I am a sucker for a creative and hot tattoo/sleeve/ whatever. Lately I have been chatting with guys about tattoos and am immediately interested in hearing people's tattoo stories and plans for the future.

6----??) Basically, anyone who is a character. The super weirdo in the mix who is dirty and ridiculous, who says weird things, and just embraces all the little kinks that makes them them. Right away I love you without knowing you. Maybe it's because I feel instant camaraderie. Who knows.

So to sum it, I am the poster child of fickleness and probably most guys worst fear. But at the end of the day, and not to sound corny, but when you do find that right person, all judgment and standards blow out the window. And that's what you gotta love about chemistry and instant connection. It always find ways to keep you on your toes and life interesting.


Anonymous said...

i wear one of those bracletts :(


Kristine said...

haha sorry lady. I never noticed. But then again, your also not a potential dating prospect, so I don't judge you in those standards!

cator said...

Great list of accomplishments and requirements but do you collect something in jewelry pieces like beautiful The Fleur de Lys design should be added to your required list don't you think. You might want to check out Adler’s Jewelry features many Fleur de Lys items and has recently introduced a Fleur de Lys ‘Believe Bracelet.’